Hey there friends,
First of all, I saved Friday’s post until today because TODAY IS MY LAST DAY IN MY HOMETOWN! I MOVE TOMORROW! I’M NOT SURE THE CAPITAL LETTERS ARE CONVEYING HOW MUCH EXCITEMENT I FEEL AT THIS MOMENT!
Second of all, the dates are all mixed up on my WordPress account so it’s been saying that I’m posting things a day later than I actually am…hm. Must work on that.
ANYWHO. Today I really wanted to share with you a song that I not only love, but have been using as my anthem for the last couple of weeks. I typically use music to communicate, to tell my personal story. Lyrics are the most philosophical, insightful thing to me and seem to phrase so beautifully the things I can’t say. (Fun Fact: I used to play a game with a friend of mine where we would have conversations entirely in song excerpts…I think the most honest bonding of our entire relationship happened during those games.)
Last week, I went with a wonderful friend of mine to see John Mayer perform live at the Molson Canadian Ampitheatre…hands down, one of the most incredible performances I’ve ever seen. I mean, really – have you seen that man play a guitar? Awe-inspiring, I’m telling ya.
One of the last songs he sang was from his album Born and Raised, called “The Age of Worry”. I found that this piece was exactly the message I needed to carry with me during my transition from hometown life to living on my own at school.
You can listen to it here first:
Here’s why this song has built me up and propelled me forward as I pack my life away in boxes this weekend:
“Close your eyes and clone yourself, build your heart an army
To defend your innocence while you do everything wrong.”
I’m learning more and more that it’s okay to make mistakes. They don’t define me, they don’t change who I am or what I stand for. I have to have faith in what in the life I’ve created for myself, and my intentions and sincerity will speak for me. I’m allowed to fall down and stand up again without feeling guilty or ashamed.
“Don’t be scared to walk alone, don’t be scared to like it
There’s no time when you must be home so sleep where darkness falls.”
I learned a long time ago that sometimes, you really have to be your own best friend. You need to work out who you are on your own before you incorporate other people. To me, this means that going into new surroundings and being unafraid to walk alone for a while and discover what I want this next chapter of my life to look like. I’m not going “home” to Belleville anytime soon, Toronto is my new home and I will grow new roots there. That’s terrifying and liberating at the same time, because the world is my oyster at this point.
“Alive in the age of worry,
Smile in the age of worry
Go wild in the age of worry,
And say “Worry, why should I care?” “
To me, this is a message to relish in the possibility of what is to come, rather than fear the unknown. There could be so many things stressing me out, but I’ve decided to let whatever happens, happen; and take chances on whatever comes my way.
“Know your fight is not with them, yours is with your time here
Dream your dreams but don’t pretend – make friends with what you are.”
My time at Glendon isn’t based on proving anything to anyone. It’s about soaking up opportunity and knowledge and relationships and taking control of the direction I want my life to go in. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not to impress my peers – I know I’ll make better friends by being the best, most authentic version of myself.
“Give your heart and change your mind – you’re allowed to do it!
‘Cause god knows it’s been done to you and somehow you got through it.”
This is going to be a time in my life where people are moving in and out of my life at the speed of light. I need to remind myself that if something doesn’t work out the way I thought it would, I’m allowed to change my mind and decide who will play the bigger roles in my life. Things fall apart so better things can fall together, right? I also need to remember that honesty is the best policy, and that motto has helped me develop some of the strongest, healthiest relationships of my life thus far. Heartbreak is a part of life, but seriously…what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (Oh GOD, I’ve become a quote-generator!!!)
“Alive in the age of worry
Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And say, “Worry, why should I care?”
Rage in the age of worry
Act your age in the age of worry
And say, “Worry, get out of here!” “
I’m alive, surviving…and soon, I hope to be thriving. Anger and passion can be great motivational force, especially as an agent for change…I need to harness that. I hope that I can still find a way to sing during troubled times, and remember that I’m 19 and need to stay balanced. Yes, I’m an adult living on my own, which is a HECK of a lot of responsibility, but I’m young enough to have a pretty blank canvas to create a masterpiece on over the next four years.
I hope this gives you some weird musical insight into my life and what I’m trying to keep in mind when I move on to bigger and (hopefully!) better things. Next time, I’ll be living in Toronto and participating in Glendon’s JUMPSTART program, so perhaps there might be some blog guest stars?! Ya never know…